Voodoo in the Kitchen

This whole project started with a link from boingboing a long time ago about a Voodoo knife block. I never wanted to pay the full $70 for the block with a set of 5 terrible knives. I have too many terrible knives, why would I want 5 more? I also have a few amazing Henkel knives, and those are only worthy of the best knife block ever made. Plastic injection molding was out of the question so I had no way of building it. Until it hit me: "What about those poseable wooden figures they sell at IKEA?"
The wood figures at IKEA only have one problem: they are very small. Enough space for 3 or 4 knives on one figure was nearly impossible. In addition, there was the problem of balancing a heavy knife over such a small platform. A true voodoo knife block would have to wait until I can find a larger figure to butcher.
Then came the second flash of inspiration: "What about a Voodoo chopstick holder?" I do need a place to keep my chopsticks! And they do look like pins usually used in voodoo dolls.
It was perfect! A quick trip to IKEA and Longs and I had all the starting materials I needed:

Materials:
2 figures (1 for mistakes)
2 bottles of super glue
1 bottle of nail polish remover (for the inevitable glue mishaps)

Tools:
Small Phillips screw driver
Needle nose pliers
Drill and bits
Black spray paint


Step 1:
How does this thing work? (aka Complete Destruction)


I simply removed every screw and spring in the figure. (Need I include a warning about the dangers of springs and unprotected eyes?) The springs in the joints and chest cavity would cause a problem when drilling and inserting chopsticks so they had to go. The original plan was to use a excessive amount of glue to compensate for the springs. Unfortunately this was a bad idea and a few square inches of carpet paid dearly for the error.
I tried Gorilla Glue first but it takes 3 hours to dry and in that time oddly shaped wooden pieces that can't be clamped down tend (as it turns out) to love falling over and spilling glue everywhere. I gave up, scrapped one figure, and switched to a faster-dry glue.
On the next one (seen still in one piece on the left) I only removed the springs from the chest cavity and in the right thigh. I decided to limit my chopstick holes to those areas which was best for all involved. It turns out that the thigh and the chest pieces (including the waist, torso, neck and head) are fairly easy to glue unlike every other piece. Once those were securely glued, I moved to the other joints. Each joint got 2 or 3 drops of super glue (they recommend 1 but wood soaks a lot up).

Step 2:
Drill and Paint (aka Holy crap! This might actually work)

Check your chopsticks against your drill bits! I didn't know where to start so I took a size 3 steps lower than I though and drilled a few test holes in a piece of scrap wood (in this case, the head of the first figure). My chopsticks seemed to fit best in the 17/64" hole, not to shallow and didn't slip through.
Then paint it. Flat black looks amazing irl but not so much in the pictures.




Step 3:
Find someone truely evil whose life you can make utterly miserable every time you finish an order of Chinese delivery.