I know people complain about it in the States (I know because I'm one of them) . TSA confiscating explosive liquids over a certain volume. HS arbitrarily raising the terror alert. There are an increasing number of examples. But here, security theater is an art form.
There are two things you must understand:
1) In the Philippines security guards have fancy uniforms and badges that read "Philippine National Guard". I'm not sure but I think it's a company that named themselves that (or at least something similar enough to the real thing). Shear marketing genius!
2) The security guards most important tool is the log book. It doesn't matter what happens as long as it has been logged, timestamped, and signed.
Today I was carrying a $13,000 power supply out of the facility to do an outdoor test. I was stopped by a security guard
- "Excuse me sir, what is that?"
- "A power supply."
-"Okay, can you sign sir?"
And I swear the log book had dutifully markde and timestamped the following with a space following for my signiature:
7/11 14:38 Matthieu Reich leaves with power supply
Never mind that the power supply costs a fortune. Never mind that I could have gone anywhere with that power supply. Never mind that the power supply could just be the casing and inside are 14 karat gold bars I'm stealing (and yes, we do have some in stock as any good solar company should).
The interesting part is that this is not the story of just one security guard, there is an entire industry here built around providing in-security!
Mall security is a blast! You walk through a metal detector in a tin foil hat without a peep.
7/07 12:04 Unknown white guy walked into mall. I did not search his bag because he was white. My metal detecting baton didn't beep as I swiped it up and down as he walked past. Not sure if the batteries are working because he was carrying 3-4 coins, a large metal Leatherman, and a bag with several metal buckles.
Each time we leave the facility, the security guards at the gate open the trunk of the car, look in, close the trunk, and wave us through. You can bet that it was logged each time.
7/09 17:42 Matthieu Reich leaves the facility. In the trunk of the car was one bag (contents unknown because it's not my job to open bags). In the passenger seat was a laptop bag (again contents unknown). I hope there was nothing in either bag that he is stealing for industrial espionage, to sell on the black market, or to decorate his apartment.
Each time we get to the staff house a security guard opens the gate and waves us through. But I'm sure if we got robbed, the thief would get equal treatment: logged, timestamped and signed.
7/13 23:52 Unknown man in black jumpsuit and ski mask slips into downstairs window. Same man leaves 2 minutes later with TV in hand.
The crazy thing is that the lack of proper security guards doesn't make me feel unsafe in this country.* Quite the opposite!** It's as if the criminals are given no challenge so there is no incentive to pull of daring heists culminating in heart pounding freeway chases.
* How's that for a triple negative?
** Sweet! A quadruple negative!
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
Monday, July 9, 2007
Just when this place couldn't get any stranger
1) They have neon pink dragonflies. They look like suspended drops of Hawaiian Punch soda flying around. I tried to get photographic evidence of the encounter but the dragonfly decided to make a game of flying into focus, pausing long enough for the camera auto focus to grind into place, then zip out of view. What this means is that I won't be sharing my dozen pictures of grass or twigs with you.
2) Everyone wants to be whiter! They sell soap that bleaches your skin whiter, a drink that makes you grow 3 inches, clothes that only white people wear, and houses that turn their occupants magically into wealthy, white folk. How many morality tales revolve around the theme "Be careful what you wish for"? Being white in the Philippines is terrible: everyone stares at you, you get sunburned walking to the car, you're sent to the 5XL rack to look for clothes to fit, and your house falls down because it was built on reclaimed land.
3) It rains twice daily like clockwork. You'd think the rain would keep the temperature down, but that would be too normal. The friction and impact of rain striking the pavement seems to warm up the atmosphere. It's that or the 20 cars idling in the parking lot with the AC blasting.
4) Believe it or not, my glasses fog up every time I get out of a car or leave a building.
At least this place keeps me on my toes!
2) Everyone wants to be whiter! They sell soap that bleaches your skin whiter, a drink that makes you grow 3 inches, clothes that only white people wear, and houses that turn their occupants magically into wealthy, white folk. How many morality tales revolve around the theme "Be careful what you wish for"? Being white in the Philippines is terrible: everyone stares at you, you get sunburned walking to the car, you're sent to the 5XL rack to look for clothes to fit, and your house falls down because it was built on reclaimed land.
3) It rains twice daily like clockwork. You'd think the rain would keep the temperature down, but that would be too normal. The friction and impact of rain striking the pavement seems to warm up the atmosphere. It's that or the 20 cars idling in the parking lot with the AC blasting.
4) Believe it or not, my glasses fog up every time I get out of a car or leave a building.
At least this place keeps me on my toes!
Saturday, July 7, 2007
Friday, July 6, 2007
Landed
Well it's been forever since my last (and first) post here. That shouldn't actually surprise anyone, me least of all. A shift in the intension of the blog may increase my posting regularity, so I'll change this to a travel log / work log.
Here's my itinerary for the next months:
July 5th - July 19th: Manila, Philippines for work
July 20th - July 28th: Tortola, British Virgin Ilses for vacation
Aug 2nd - Aug 31st: Manila, Philippines for work
When we landed this morning the captain said over the PA:
"This is your captain speaking: you have just witnessed another perfect landing! The local time in Manila is 4am and the temperature is 31C with 88% humidity"
Between this and the last trip I managed to forget what effect that heat has, especially once you take that first step out of the airport.
Here is one in a long string of pictures that doesn't quite do the reality justice:
The afternoon storm just broke somewhere over our heads and the immense sound of the rain drowns out everything. Just rain mind you, not thunder... yet. I'm beginning to imagine a 747 hovering over the house because nothing else compares.
Hopefully I'll keep the updates coming. My main worry is the fact that I'll be working quite a bit and will have little time to do anything worth posting.
Here's my itinerary for the next months:
July 5th - July 19th: Manila, Philippines for work
July 20th - July 28th: Tortola, British Virgin Ilses for vacation
Aug 2nd - Aug 31st: Manila, Philippines for work
When we landed this morning the captain said over the PA:
"This is your captain speaking: you have just witnessed another perfect landing! The local time in Manila is 4am and the temperature is 31C with 88% humidity"
Between this and the last trip I managed to forget what effect that heat has, especially once you take that first step out of the airport.
Here is one in a long string of pictures that doesn't quite do the reality justice:
The afternoon storm just broke somewhere over our heads and the immense sound of the rain drowns out everything. Just rain mind you, not thunder... yet. I'm beginning to imagine a 747 hovering over the house because nothing else compares.Hopefully I'll keep the updates coming. My main worry is the fact that I'll be working quite a bit and will have little time to do anything worth posting.
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
Voodoo in the Kitchen
This whole project started with a link from boingboing a long time ago about a Voodoo knife block. I never wanted to pay the full $70 for the block with a set of 5 terrible knives. I have too many terrible knives, why would I want 5 more? I also have a few amazing Henkel knives, and those are only worthy of the best knife block ever made. Plastic injection molding was out of the question so I had no way of building it. Until it hit me: "What about those poseable wooden figures they sell at IKEA?"
The wood figures at IKEA only have one problem: they are very small. Enough space for 3 or 4 knives on one figure was nearly impossible. In addition, there was the problem of balancing a heavy knife over such a small platform. A true voodoo knife block would have to wait until I can find a larger figure to butcher.
Then came the second flash of inspiration: "What about a Voodoo chopstick holder?" I do need a place to keep my chopsticks! And they do look like pins usually used in voodoo dolls.
It was perfect! A quick trip to IKEA and Longs and I had all the starting materials I needed:
Materials:
2 figures (1 for mistakes)
2 bottles of super glue
1 bottle of nail polish remover (for the inevitable glue mishaps)
Tools:
Small Phillips screw driver
Needle nose pliers
Drill and bits
Black spray paint
Step 1:
How does this thing work? (aka Complete Destruction)
I simply removed every screw and spring in the figure. (Need I include a warning about the dangers of springs and unprotected eyes?) The springs in the joints and chest cavity would cause a problem when drilling and inserting chopsticks so they had to go. The original plan was to use a excessive amount of glue to compensate for the springs. Unfortunately this was a bad idea and a few square inches of carpet paid dearly for the error.
I tried Gorilla Glue first but it takes 3 hours to dry and in that time oddly shaped wooden pieces that can't be clamped down tend (as it turns out) to love falling over and spilling glue everywhere. I gave up, scrapped one figure, and switched to a faster-dry glue.
On the next one (seen still in one piece on the left) I only removed the springs from the chest cavity and in the right thigh. I decided to limit my chopstick holes to those areas which was best for all involved. It turns out that the thigh and the chest pieces (including the waist, torso, neck and head) are fairly easy to glue unlike every other piece. Once those were securely glued, I moved to the other joints. Each joint got 2 or 3 drops of super glue (they recommend 1 but wood soaks a lot up).
Step 2:
Drill and Paint (aka Holy crap! This might actually work)
Check your chopsticks against your drill bits! I didn't know where to start so I took a size 3 steps lower than I though and drilled a few test holes in a piece of scrap wood (in this case, the head of the first figure). My chopsticks seemed to fit best in the 17/64" hole, not to shallow and didn't slip through.
Then paint it. Flat black looks amazing irl but not so much in the pictures.
Step 3:
Find someone truely evil whose life you can make utterly miserable every time you finish an order of Chinese delivery.
The wood figures at IKEA only have one problem: they are very small. Enough space for 3 or 4 knives on one figure was nearly impossible. In addition, there was the problem of balancing a heavy knife over such a small platform. A true voodoo knife block would have to wait until I can find a larger figure to butcher.
Then came the second flash of inspiration: "What about a Voodoo chopstick holder?" I do need a place to keep my chopsticks! And they do look like pins usually used in voodoo dolls.
It was perfect! A quick trip to IKEA and Longs and I had all the starting materials I needed:
Materials:
2 figures (1 for mistakes)
2 bottles of super glue
1 bottle of nail polish remover (for the inevitable glue mishaps)
Tools:
Small Phillips screw driver
Needle nose pliers
Drill and bits
Black spray paint
Step 1:
How does this thing work? (aka Complete Destruction)
I simply removed every screw and spring in the figure. (Need I include a warning about the dangers of springs and unprotected eyes?) The springs in the joints and chest cavity would cause a problem when drilling and inserting chopsticks so they had to go. The original plan was to use a excessive amount of glue to compensate for the springs. Unfortunately this was a bad idea and a few square inches of carpet paid dearly for the error.
I tried Gorilla Glue first but it takes 3 hours to dry and in that time oddly shaped wooden pieces that can't be clamped down tend (as it turns out) to love falling over and spilling glue everywhere. I gave up, scrapped one figure, and switched to a faster-dry glue.
On the next one (seen still in one piece on the left) I only removed the springs from the chest cavity and in the right thigh. I decided to limit my chopstick holes to those areas which was best for all involved. It turns out that the thigh and the chest pieces (including the waist, torso, neck and head) are fairly easy to glue unlike every other piece. Once those were securely glued, I moved to the other joints. Each joint got 2 or 3 drops of super glue (they recommend 1 but wood soaks a lot up).
Step 2:
Drill and Paint (aka Holy crap! This might actually work)
Check your chopsticks against your drill bits! I didn't know where to start so I took a size 3 steps lower than I though and drilled a few test holes in a piece of scrap wood (in this case, the head of the first figure). My chopsticks seemed to fit best in the 17/64" hole, not to shallow and didn't slip through.Then paint it. Flat black looks amazing irl but not so much in the pictures.
Step 3:
Find someone truely evil whose life you can make utterly miserable every time you finish an order of Chinese delivery.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)