I Survived Thailand!

Just got back to "normal" conditions. And can't wait to go back to Thailand!

(As a warning: the following post might be a bit long... if I get a single "TLDR" in the comments, I'm banning Yoshi's IP)

When I first landed, the first thing I saw was "Long Live the King". I chuckled a bit until I saw the next twenty identical signs plastered on every available vertical surface. I made a mental note to stop laughing out loud or my vacation would end in a pleasant Thai prison cell. I'd like to apologize to all me (millions) of Thai readers for that last paragraph because they can no longer read this blog as this site is now banned in Thailand.

From the airport I grabbed a bus heading into the deep north east section of Thailand called Issan. I couldn't believe my luck: I found the reason I traveled to Thailand! On the side of the road, not 5 miles out of Bangkok, I saw an elephant making a feast out of a fruit stand and the rider was leaning down to pay for what disappeared. And then a minute later I saw a "tiny" baby elephant (and by "tiny" i mean: "only slightly taller than the person holding the lead"). Those two vignettes were exactly what I was looking for in Thailand (even if they did flash by at 80 kph). Not the white beeches, blue seas, and the beautiful women asking if I'd like some "service".

The north east of Thailand (or the portion of what I saw) is part of the poorest parts of the nation, but even still it seems to be better than parts of the Philippines I've seen. The surrounding country-side is as spectacular as it is peculiar: perfectly cone-shaped hills covered in lush and dense jungle flora. Between the cones the land is fairly flat but still retains the dense canopy above.

I got off the bus in Pak Chong (a tiny town that is known as the cowboy center of Thailand) and grabbed the equivelent of a taxi. Basically it was a scooter that was owned by the husband of only English speaker in town. He made up a price and I agreed that it sounded fair even though neither he nor I had ever been to our destination. Don't tell my mother but he didn't wear a helmet and I certainly wasn't offered one. Driving down the wrong side of the road at 80 kph with no helmet and in the dead of night around banked turns on a dead highway was exhilarating. But so are most stupid things. Several wrong turns later we got to the Suk Phu Duen hotel.

The Suk Phu Dues resort, it turns out, is primarily a business retreat for seminars, team building, corporate parties, and plenty of other justifiable reasons for the use of cyanide pills. Because I was far from their typical clientele, the staff had no idea what to do with me. They spoke about as much English as I spoke Thai, which is to say (very embarrassingly) none. What the hell do you do with a single white vegetarian guy traveling alone? It looked as if I went looking for a sexy tourism trip and ended with the corporate drudgery instead. The first day I ordered room service for lunch but they couldn't understand the order. So they sent up a server with the menu. I pointed but he still looked confused (because there was no meat in the selection). The next day I asked that they send up the menu again (with the same amount of confusion) but instead they decided to skip the difficulties, fabricated my order, and sent that up. Needless to say it was perfect American lunch: tuna fish sandwich with potato chips and a large bowl of ketchup and therefore not what I was looking for. At least it was entertaining (I'm still trying to come up with purpose for the ketchup).

The resort itself is absolutely beautiful and within spitting distance of the Khao Yai World Heritage Land Park (now do you know why I went?). On site they had a pool, hot tub, sauna, massage parlor, karoke bar, snooker room, horse stable, rabbit hutch (with several hundred rabbits none of which were on the menu), peacocks, and not to mention amazing landscaping.

I tried to explore the Khao Yai Park as much as possible without a car to see the most distant sections. The high season is just starting so I had a majority of the park all to myself, for better or worse. The paths were not labeled but their intersections were named so you could devise your own hike by linking the instersections. The first sign said "Spotted Dear junction" which are the reason the park became a World Heritage Site. The second sign read "Elephant junction" which excited me to no end. The third was simply named "Tiger junction". After this point I was seriously debating the various tiger repellents: The Gods Must be Crazy, Calvin and Hobbes, and the Teddy Roosevelt methods were all top contenders. At one point a motor bike started off in the distance and I quickly learned just how fitting the "growl" of an engine is; my heart was racing when that ranger pulled into view. In the end I left with mixed feelings over the lack of fauna sitings but the waterfalls and the terrain more than made up for it all.

Besides the geography, flora and fauna (imagined or not) Issan is also known for it's incredibly spicy food (even according to native Thai). Now this again falls under things I knew at one point only on an academic level. I ordered a red curry (still not sure if the Thai food follows the standard color coding) and after one bite I kinda died; I wiped my lips and the napkin left a bit charred. I haven't tasted much since but it was still the best food I've had in a long time.

The trip back matched the trip in: except I was in the back of a pickup, a bus, 2 taxis, and a clown car to get to the plane. Another thing to not mention to my mom: I had to hitch that ride in the pickup.

Long story short (too late), I had my share of fun and now I have two long weeks of work ahead of me so I can get back in time for Thanksgiving!