The Good, the Bad, and the Philippines

I think I’ve delayed long enough in writing this post. I wanted to wait until I’m became an expert in all things Filipino, but I figured I’d be waiting ‘til the cows came home. Regardless, I’ve earned my stripes and am probably the closest you’ll ever come to an expert in field.

First of all, let me clear up a small misconception: I really like the Philippines. No, I did not find a Filipina girlfriend who changed my whole outlook on the situation. I’ve always liked this country; I’ve just never liked being stationed here. There may be very little difference between the two outlooks, perhaps they are even indistinguishable. However, it is a view I’ve held onto this entire trip.

The Good – Imagine you’ve worked for the last four days from seven to seven and you can’t believe you’re arriving back at work for another equally long day. Now imagine that everyone you see whose name you’ve forgotten gives you a warm smile and a “Good morning sir Matthieu”. By the time you’ve walked down the corridor you’re smiling back and today suddenly doesn’t look so bad.

The Bad – Did you pick up on the subtle mention of the work hours?

The Good – The culture here is amazing, as it is filled with people like those above. Everyone is fairly laid back about most things and I get the feeling it is nie impossible to anger a Filipino.

The Bad – The only complaints I have about the culture concerns religious ubiquity. Christmas carols from September to February is a bit much.

The Good – I have mixed feelings about the weather. I used to complain about the heat but I’ve basically gotten used to it by now. For the most part, each day is just another beautiful day in the tropics.

The Bad – But there’s the rub: the tropics breeds and mutates the yearly cold virus. ‘Tis a strange feeling to be a viral vector; I’ve gotten this year’s cold and passed it on to California bound coworkers. I won’t spoil the surprise but all I can say is this new virus mutation is a doosey.

The Good – The work I’m doing is very interesting. There are dozens of problems to solve on the tool and each makes for a fun puzzle. Put it this way: I’ve never picked up a sewing kit my entire life until I had to calibrate a million dollar robot.

The Bad – I came here to characterize a tool; I can’t do that until the damn thing operates.

Where are the rupee rewards?

Each morning I wake up to a broken shower. The stupid thing has three knobs: 2 control the hot and cold water, and the last controls the transfer of water from the faucet to the shower head. The problem is that they are all labeled incorrectly. I used to get annoyed with the setup until I solved the riddle:

Which single knob should I turn in order to know instantly what each knob controls. Bear in mind that in the morning, the pipes are cold and it takes too long for the hot water to turn hot.

I’ve seen this puzzle in a few incarnations around the web and it wasn’t until I had this broken shower that I found a practical use for it.

When are you coming home?

I get asked that a lot and frankly, I didn't have a satisfactory answer. At least until I sat down and like a good geek) made graphs!
This was the original schedule (which you may recognize from a earlier post) with a few fancy improvements:I have a feeling the universe loves to spend it's free time conspiring against me. Just as I'm approaching the peak in that probability curve, I sat down to re-draw the graph. This is what I got on the same axis:
Hurts don't it? I have a flight scheduled for September 28th but as you can see that will be delayed. My visa expires on October 19th and as you can see means I have about a 30% chance of escaping before the authorities come knocking... the good money isn't on me. Because I have no intention of seeing the inside of a Filipino jail, I'll probably run off to Thailand or Laos in early October which will reset my visa. Maybe I can coerce the company into paying for the flight!

Green Christmas Reality

A few weeks back (Sept 1^st to be exact) a Filipina friend received a text message that made her laugh because it ended with “Merry Christmas”. When she showed me the text and explained that Christmas starts early in the Philippines my jaw may have unhinged.

For a bit of background: I am one of those people who celebrate Festivus as a joke, I do not listen to the radio from Thanksgiving to New Years, and (consequentially) I give the worst presents. In short I do not like Christmas; in fact I think my room 101 would consist of Christmas songs on loop, Three Laws incompatible robotic snowmen, and only okra to eat.

Back to the story: I thought she was joking. I even dismissed the fact that everyone started talking about the SunPower Christmas party: where it would be held, what they would wear, and who they would be bringing. It should have tipped me off that no one discussed if they were going to show up. Now there is nothing I can do to avoid the inevitable; this morning I heard the first Christmas song on the radio. The absurdity of it all is that I’m Dreaming of a White Christmas and Jingle Bells (which is about a sleighing accident) enjoy a fair share of the rotation. And it isn’t the standard “one song an hour” rotation most radio stations throw into their program you hear back state side. Here they go for the full blown 100% Christmas songs on select radio stations. Granted it’s only a few but the disease will spread until my only respite will be blasting my iPod ‘til my eardrums bleed.

My hell is here. Bring on the snowmen and the okra!

A Drug Story

Buying drugs here in the Philippines makes for yet another interesting experience. Sorry kids, I’m only talking about the over-the-counter variety. To start off, “over-the-counter” has a connotation that implies simplicity and quick turnaround that must be ignored in this country. Everything for sale in a typical drug store is available only by asking a pharmacist: including some shampoos, skin care products, and anything with a medical warning label (which is basically everything in the states). That wouldn’t be so bad if it weren’t for a few other small facts.

Pharmacists here know nothing about their own trade. I seem to know more about drugs that they do just because I have an aspiring pharmacist as a friend. The Filipina pharmacist I spoke to couldn’t tell me if a certain pain medication contained caffeine, what the side effects are, or even how to take it. Wikipedia would have been helpful had I had a laptop, wireless connection, and half an hour to kill reading about the history of Tylenol, the Tylenol Crisis of 1982, and the copycat murder phenomenon.

There are no brand names. None: and that tends to make things difficult. You only get blank stares when you ask for Advil, Tylenol, Sudafed, Dramamine, or any other name brand that has managed to replace the drug’s name in conversational English. Suddenly, a trip to the drug store becomes a puzzle: what is name of the main ingredient in the drug I need?

Nothing can be sold in bulk. I’m not sure if it’s a legal problem or a cultural difference. But if you ask for a box of medicine all you get is the deer-in-the-headlights look. That looks basically means you’ve asked for something impossible but they can’t refuse. So what do the respond with? “Yes, sir.” The Philippines is the only country in the world where “yes, sir” means “there is a problem”.

Lessons learned in Puerto Galera

It seems as if I can’t go anywhere in the Philippines without learning something new. As stated before, each trip has a theme and the only one that fits my last weekend would have to be “exotic nightlife”. Of course that will tie into a few of the lessons learned:

- Are you craving a certain ethnic food? Filipino imitations are never quite the same but all you have to do is find the dive resort owned by an ex-pat from that region. Last weekend was spent at the German dive resort.

- German resorts do not cater well to vegetarians.

- Turtles sleep on the bottom of the ocean. This falls under the category of things you read about but never fully comprehend until seen. How do they manage? I know while conscious one breath of air gives them about an hour or so bottom time. Using conservative estimates that might give them 3 hour cat naps… can that be right? Basically boils down to the fact that you can never hit the snooze button.

- Cuttlefish are one of the most amazing invertebrates I’ve ever seen. Octopus seem ungainly next to the smooth flowing cuttlefish underway. In addition they can change both their color and surface texture! (That last point made my material science spidey-sence go insane.) Ever seen an animal swim over various colored sands below all-the-while mimicking the dynamic dappling effect of sunlight striking the water surface above? I have; I was astounded. Move aside octopocalypse, here comes the cuttlypse!

- One can empty an entire bottle of air just watching a sleeping turtle and a pair of cuttlefish.

- Never get lost on your way back to your hotel.

- If you do get lost, do not walk back and forth past the same group of sex workers looking for the hotel; they will take it as a sign of interest, inhibition, or indecision. Worse, they may understand it to mean all three.

(Sorry, no pictures this trip; all the worthwhile pictures were underwater and I’m still in the process of building a water tight housing for my camera.)

Edit: I lied, one picture was taken:

You can't quite see it but behind me, my co-worker Albert, the lovely curtains, and the boat's outriggers is the South China Sea. On a side note, I think I need those curtains for my new apartment.